The Insane Tales of Mlp
by yugiohfan163
Summary: Basically, each chapter is created to be random and to get chuckles out of the viewers, that's you.
1. Chapter 1

The insane tales of mlp

chapter 1

well people, this may not seem like the regular stuff I work on, but even I have to work on at least one fic that is beyond crazy. And describes this fic perfectly. So sit back, relax, and try not to eat while reading as it may be too crazy. Enjoy.

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Shining Armor let out a sigh of content as he walked through the halls of the castle of the crystal empire. He had just returned from training the latest recruits and boy did they need help. They looked like the bunch one would pick last in a game of dodgeball.

One of them wouldn't pay attention and kept looking at the birds, one kept snoozing where he stood, another one looked like he was about ready to jump out of his armor at the slightest movement, and the other one looked like he was checking out Shining's ass. Which is why he is glad to be home.

He soon stood at the bedroom of him and his wife, Princess Cadence, and pushed the door open and saw movement under the covers of their bed. "Cadence? I'm home."

The sheet rustled some more before a figure's head popped up. Shining stood back in shock at seeing Queen Chrysalis in his bed. "What are you doing here?!" exclaimed Shining pointing his hoof at the changeling.

"Enjoying time with my lover." replied the queen as the head of his wife ended up popping out of the covers next.

"Cadence?! You're cheating on me with Queen Chrysalis?" exclaimed Shining Armor in shock.

"What made you say that?" asked Cadence as the sheets began to ruffle again and out popped Spike, the number one assistant to his sister who was smoking a cigarette. "Sup."

"Spike? You're having an affair with my wife? Who else is in on this?" asked Shining who didn't think it could get any worst.

"Spike, I got the handcuffs." replied a familiar female voice who turned out to be his sister, Twilight Sparkle walking out of the bathroom with several pairs of handcuffs held with her magic.

"Twilight? You're having foursome with my wife, a changeling, and a baby dragon?" asked Shining in exhaustion.

"I don't know if you knew this, but he's far from small where it counts." replied Queen Chrysalis whose statement caused Shining to do the only logical thing, which was fainting right on the spot.

All of them were surprised but shrugged there shoulders. Spike held Cadence and Chrysalis close together and kissed them both on the cheek. Both blushed while Twilight pouted. Spike smiled and gestured for her to come over and gave her a kiss that made her swoon.

All three females of royalty cuddled up to Spike as the camera began to darken before Spike held open a small hole big enough for him. "Remember this kids. When it comes to shipping, they always include me." Spike winked at the audiences before returning to the bed and the sounds of the four could be heard as the scene ended.

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(omake)

Far away in Canterlot is where we find the two rulers of equestria, Princess Celestia and Luna as they watched what was happening through a crystal ball used to view from a far away.

"Tia, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Luna to her sister.

"That we should invite Spike over for some 'fun'?" asked Celestia.

"That, and to pay him a visit in his dreams." replied Luna with a smile.

"It is only fitting. After all, we as his mother and aunt need to make sure he is working hard to satisfy them." replied Celestia with a grin.

"It doesn't hurt if we make sure he knows over and over of course." replied Luna with the same grin.

In the crystal empire, Spike could tell he was gonna get even luckier than he already was.

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well people, I hope this was funny for a first chapter. I did this because if they're is one thing all bronies can agree on, is that Spike is pretty much paired with every female in the series. Don't believe me, go look for yourselves. And remember, this has no plot. Just crazy moments that won't always be about Spike. Anyways, enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

The insane tales of mlp

chapter 2

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We find ourselves in the magical land of Equestria, a beautiful world inhabited by all kinds of creatures that most would believe to be mythical.

We see Princess Twilight Sparkle with her number one assistant Spike walking through the town for a walk. Aside from Twilight's duty as a princess, and Spike's chores around the library, it was probably gonna be a normal day.

Oh how fate loves to ruin that.

They continued their walk but stopped as they along with every other mare and stallion saw something coming up from the ground. They watched to see what was coming and saw a tool push through the soil before two creatures they had never seen before climbed out.

"Well Mitch, we finally did it. After so many years, we finally made it to china. They said we were crazy, they said we would never do it, they said we would probably burn in a horrible fiery death before we reached the core. But look at us now, right in the middle of good ol-what the hell?" the first creature looked around and his eyes nearly bugged out.

"Hey bill, what's it like?" asked the guys friend.

"I don't think we're in china." replied Bill.

Another strange creature popped out with a few digging tools in hand. "What are you talking abou-what the hell?" the second creature stared in wonder as his friend did.

"Bill, is it just me, or are we seeing a colorful land filled with colorful horses?" asked Bill.

"I think so. That, or we could be hallucinating from those mushrooms we found." replied Mitch.

"I told you not to pick them, but noooo, you said they looked tasty." replied Bill rubbing his head.

"Hey! At least I wasn't too drunk to draw the map this time. I mean seriously, how do you draw a map leading to China, drunk?" asked Mitch.

"Well we at least need to know where we are." Bill saw Twilight and walked over to her. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to know where here is, would you?"

"Bill, you're talking to a horse." replied Mitch thinking his friend has really lost.

"First I'm an alicorn, second, your in Ponyville." replied Twilight.

Bill and Mitch stared at Twilight before turning to each other. "I think we are having a mental breakdown." replied Bill.

"Yeah, the only thing that would make this worst is if some crazy unicorn comes charging out of nowhere." replied Mitch.

Both of them suddenly heard hooves running to them and saw a green unicorn run at them with a made gleam in her eyes. "HUMANS!"

Bill and Mitch screamed like little girls before jumping into the hole with the human obsessed Lyra following them.

Everypony there just stared at what just happened.

"Damn, guess I owe Lyra ten bits for her saying humans were real." replied Twilight.

"Sweet lord! Not the hands!" screamed Bill from the hole.

"I got this." Spike walked over to the hole and pulled a bundle of dynamite form out of nowhere and lit the fuses before dropping it down the hole. He counted down before a loud boom could be heard with smoke coming out of the hole.

"This is why you should not try to dig to china. It will only lead you to an alternate dimension full of talking ponies." replied Twilight.

"Who are you talking too?" asked Spike.

"The viewers." replied Twilight pointing at the audience.

"Hey! That's my schtick!" yelled Pinkie off screen.

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(omake)

Bill and Mitch clambered out of the hole they dug and quickly dumped as much dirt as they could to make sure that no one could follow them.

Both released a sigh as they dropped the tools and headed inside to relax.

"Boy, that was crazy." replied Mitch.

"I'll say, but I know one thing. That is the last we are ever gonna see of that crazy unicorn." replied Bill opening the door.

"For sure." replied Mitch following inside.

Both stopped there as they saw Lyra sitting on the couch with an innocent looking smile. She looked at them both and soon had a glint in her eyes that they didn't like.

"So, why don't you let me see those hands." replied Lyra as the two men grabbed onto each other and screamed like little girls at the insanity that wouldn't end.

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well people, I hope this had enough insanity for ya.


	3. Chapter 3

The insane tales of mlp

chapter 3

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Celestia slowly crept up to the doors that led to her sister Luna' bedroom. While it was their castle, and had no reason to sneak around it, she had a good reason to.

You see, she had recently gotten pranked by her younger sibling by changing her shampoo. When she got out of the shower, her mane had been colored rainbow. I mean the rainbow color you see on those big wigs that you either buy, or are glued to your head by your friends when you're sleeping, which results in you chasing their asses on the corner with you wielding a gold club around. Making you look like a golf-obsessed clown.

Now, the elder sibling was here to get revenge. She opened the doors with her magic and carefully came closer and closer to her sleeping sibling.

Once she was close enough, she closed her eyes and focused on repeating the spell she read from the library. Her magical aura covered her horn and slowly descended down to Luna's face before making contact and seemed to cover her face before disappearing.

Celestia held back a giggle before quickly, but quietly exited the room.

(Next day)

Celestia sat at the head of a long table, enjoying her tea. She was waiting for Luna to get up and to enjoy the sweet revenge she initiated.

She took another sip from her tea just as Luna came in, and ended up doing a spit take on the butler that was right next to them. And he was the kind of butler that just stood there with a neutral expression, but inside they're are all like, 'This is worth 5 bits an hour? Should have been a dentist.'

Celestia stared at her sister as Luna stood there, but with a grin on her face that basically told everyone near them this one message: "RUN LIKE HELL!"

Luna walked over to Celestia and took her seat while eating her breakfast. It may have looked normal, but Celestia felt she had to say something.

"Luna, are you feeling alright?" asked Celestia.

Luna stopped and looked at Celestia with a look that made her feel like she was looking at a pissed off tiger. "I'm perfectly fine. Thought I should go out and say hello to a little fellow."

Celestia tried to stay calm and continue. "And, who would that be?" asked Celestia.

Luna merely grinned again before standing up and heading out. Celestia had a feeling something was wrong and quickly brought the book she read from to see what happened. After looking at the spell and cover, she stared straight ahead and said. "This won't end well."

(Ponyville)

Spike was currently putting books away while Twilight was enjoying a good book like always. Both heard the a knock at the door and stopped what they were doing. Twilight walked over and opened the door to reveal Princess Luna.

"Princess Luna? What are you doing here?" asked Twilight who wasn't trying to be rude, but merely wanted an answer.

"Oh, I just wanted to come by and say hello. I also wanted to let you know of a new volume of Equestria's history that they have down the road." replied Luna.

"What! A new volume? I've got to see this." exclaimed Twilight racing out of there faster than Rainbow Dash if she was on caffeine. And for everyone reading, if I see a pic like that, I will be like: "Yes! This is what they need! All we need now is to give Pinkie some ice and we'll see insanity every single day."

Luna smiled at seeing Twilight gone and walked in and saw Spike step down from the ladder he was using. She gave him the grin she had on earlier. She closed and locked the door, and walked towards Spike.

"Well, Spike. Since we're alone, why don't I introduce you to something very useful?" Luna was now face to face with the young drake who looked ready to pass out.

"U-U-Uh, W-What's t-that?" asked Spike.

Luna fell on top of Spike and whispered in his ear. "The way to become a man."

Spike's eyes widened before the camera zoomed out.

(Omake)

Celestia and Twilight sat there as they watched Luna chase after Spike with unrelenting desire. "Come here, Spike! I know where you're sensitive!" yelled Luna who didn't quit.

"So, could someone explain to me what the hay happened? I go to look for that volume, and I come home to find Princess Luna, Spike, and a box full of whips, chains, and whip cream." replied Twilight.

"Well, it turns out the book I used the spell from, changed her personality a bit. Now her personality mirrors that of a nickname humans seem to have given me." replied Celestia.

"What's that?" asked Twilight.

"Molestia." replied Celestia looking it up in a dictionary.

"What kind of book was that again?" asked Twilight.

Celestia brought up the book, whose cover said "How to get a dragon laid."

"And who wrote this?" asked Twilight.

"Not sure. The author's name seems to have been smudged off." replied Celestia.

"Well, when does the spell wear off?"

"Come back here my cuddle dragon!" exclaimed Luna chasing Spike around a column.

"I'm going to guess and say about, 3 months." replied Celestia.

"So we have to deal with a Spike obsessed Princess of the moon while we sit here and drink tea?" asked Twilight.

"Yes, but on the bright side. Spike will have a lot of experience for when he goes out with all kinds of girls." replied Celestia.

"Which girls?"

"Have you seen how many girls people pair him with? He's not a teen yet, and already people pair him with me and Luna." replied Celestia.

Twilight didn't have another thing to say and merely went back to her tea as Luna dragged Spike into her room.

(Across town)

Discord looked through his telescope at what was happening and began to chuckle wildly. "I wonder if Spike will want to read the rest of that spell?" questioned Discord with chuckle.

"AHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH YEAH!" Spike's screams could be heard all over, which made people think he was in pain, but also made a lot of females blush from the undertone of his scream.

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hope you like it.


	4. Chapter 4

The insane tales of mlp

chapter 4

hope you like this latest chapter

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All seemed well in the town of Ponyville. Today looked like it couldn't dampen any ponies mood.

Sadly, even the smallest of talks can have the biggest impact.

"Muffins!" exclaimed Derpy, staring at the mare across from her as best as she could with her eyes beign lopsided.

"Cupcakes!" yelled Pinkie Pie who stared down the Pegasus with one of her stern glares.

If you're wondering what's going on, the answer is simple. Earlier today, Pinkie Pie had made a random opinion, saying that cupcakes were the best pastry ever made. Wring thing to say when around Derpy, who had gone up to her and said muffins were the best. This eventually lead to the debate right now, with the two disagreeing with one another.

"I say cupcakes are better! They have super delicious frosting on them! Pinkie emphasized this by shoving a cupcake in Derpy's face.

"Wrong! Muffins are better! They are soft and spongy!" Derpy shoved right past Pinkie's outstretched hoof and pressed the muffin against her face.

Both combatants refused to give up and tried desperately to try and get their favorite treat into the others mouth. Both wouldn't let up and continued to mush their pastries onto the others mouth.

This loud argument brought a large crowd to sugarcube corner as ponies around them began to make bets on who would win. Twilight, and her ever kind assistant Spike, made it past the crowd and looked on with confusion on what was happening.

"Pinkie, what's happening?" asked the bearer of magic.

Pinkie turned away and saw Twilight and Spike standing there. "Twilight!" Pinkie rushed to the unicorn's side and brought her into a hug. "At last! with you by y side, the cupcakes will win!" yelled Pinkie like a general.

"Oh yeah!" Derpy reached over and pulled Spike over to her side. "Well, Spike here will prove to you, that muffins are supreme!" yelled Derpy with the same yell.

"Oh yeah?" challenged Pinkie.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Derpy as they butted heads again.

"Enough!" yelled Twilight getting to the two fighting mares and crowd to turn towards her.

"Arguing about something like this is no way to settle it." replied Twilight.

Pinkie and Derpy looked down, apparently moved by her words.

"She's right." replied Derpy.

"Yeah, this isn't the way to settle this." replied Pinkie.

Twilight smiled at them agreeing that this was silly. "The proper way to settle this is with war!" exclaimed Pinkie.

"Yeah!" yelled Derpy in agreement.

"What!" exclaimed Twilight in shock. Before she could get a word in edge wise, both mares were gone, leaving an interested crowd, and one confused unicorn and dragon.

"What just happened?" asked Spike.

"I have no idea." replied Twilight.

(1 day later)

"Charge!" yelled Pinkie as an army of cupcakes charged forward with candy weapons. Don't judge me, it's Pinkie, what do you expect?

"Attack!" cried Derpy as an army of muffins charged forward as well wielding bread sticks as weapons. Seriously, how the hell do you animate pastries into armies? Even I don't know, and I'm the one writing this thing,

Both armies crashed into each other as mayhem rained down on Ponyville, that and delicious frosting. Everywhere a pony looked, there was chaos. There was so much that Discord started a betting pool in Cloudsdale.

It also happened to be the same time that Spike walked on by and watched the fight with confusion. Compared to the major villains they've faced before, a fight over which pastry was better was like picking up the mail.

"Hey!" yelled Spike over the loud armies as they both stopped where they were, even in mid air somehow. "I came here to say, that you both shouldn't be fighting. Ponyville is our home, a home where you can be who you are. Sure we're different, but if we weren't different, than everything would be boring. The point I'm trying to say is that you should let others express their opinion, even if it's different than yours." finished Spike with his philosophical speech.

Both armies of animated pastries wiped the tears from their faces before shaking hands with each other in a form of a truce.

Pinkie and Derpy shook hooves before hugging to signal the war was over.

Boy, is that gonna be short lived.

"Besides, gems are more tasty." replied Spike who shouldn't have said that.

And just like that, the two mares and armies stopped and stared at him.

"What?" asked Spike.

"The war is on!" exclaimed Pinkie and Derpy as their armies grabbed their weapons.

"Good thing Doctor Hooves gave me this berserker pill." replied Spike popping it in his mouth and swallowed. He soon grew to gigantic size and appeared the same way he did in the episode where his greed was out of control.

Spike in his now giant dragon form roared at the two armies before both sides clashed and the sounds of roars and war cries could be heard all night.

Up in Cloudsdale is where Discord was watching the scene with popcorn in his hands.

"Man, at this rate, they could take my title 'God of Chaos' away." replied Discord before realizing that could really happen. "Oh hell no!" exclaimed Discord before heading down to Ponyville to make sure his title stayed where it was at.

Now if anyone were to come across Ponyville, they would find it flood with chocolate milk, with a happy god of chaos floating down it like a river.

Yup, just an average day in Ponyville.

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well people, If you have a certain scenario in mind you want to see, just put it in the review, or pm me.


	5. Chapter 5

The insane tales of mlp

chapter 5

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Twilight Sparkle was pacing back and forth in the library with an irritated expression on her face. She's been getting tired of Spike going after Rarity, when all she does is tease him with her looks.

"If this keeps up, Spike will never get laid!" yelled Twilight who grabbed some rope and duck tape with her magic. "Screw it. I'm gonna do this the old fashion way." and so Twilight ventured out with the stuff to do something probably illegal.

Rarity was satisfied with the piece of fabric she was using, but heard the door open and saw Twilight their. "Twilight darling, how are you-" Rarity was interrupted from the tape on her mouth and saw herself tied up.

"There. Now maybe we can settle this shipping." replied Twilight dragging Rarity along with Sweetie Belle watching.

"You didn't see anything." replied Twilight waving her hoofs in Sweetie's face and left with Rarity.

"Does this mean I can keep your clothes?" asked Sweetie Belle to the struggling Rarity.

Rarity couldn't say anything due to the tape. "I'll take that as a yes!" yelled Sweetie Belle.

Spike didn't know what to expect when Twilight put a bound and gagged Rarity at a clothed table with candles. He was confused and found himself seated across the unicorn of his dreams.

"Twilight, why is Rarity here?" asked Spike who didn't sound too excited.

"She is here of her own free will because she wants to have dinner with you." replied Twilight with a smile.

Spike just shrugged his shoulders and saw his sandwich didn't have salt. "Rarity, could you pass the salt?"

"Pass him the salt." Twilight held a pistol to Rarity's head for added measure and was glad Rarity levitated it to him with her magic.

"So Rarity, I've recently gone int he jewelry making business." replied Spike trying to be suave.

"Wow, a jeweler. Sounds cool, uh?"

"Help me!" exclaimed Rarity who had undone the ropes and ran out of the library.

Twilight went to run after her, but Spike got in her way. "Twilight, it's not a good idea to abduct mares just because your a princess."

"Rarity look out for the mines!" yelled Twilight.

(BOOM)

"What did I say? You heard me, what did I say?" asked Twilight to Spike.

"You said look out for the mines."

"I said look out for the mines." replied Twilight.

"Twilight, to be honest, I'm over Rarity." replied Spike.

"What? You mean I just committed several crimes, such as ponynapping and illegal purchase of land mines?"

"Where did you get the land mines?" asked Spike who didn't understand they were illegal.

"The Flim Flam brothers." replied Twilight who slapped herself in the face with her hoof for her stupid mistake.

"Well, this was fun and all, but I got to meet up with my girl." replied Spike opening the door to show Fluttershy.

"Ready to go, Spike?" asked Fluttershy.

"Sure." replied Spike.

"Wait, you're in a relationship with Fluttershy? A pony who is scared of dragons?" asked Twilight in astonishment.

"Well, you learn to like them when you learn to ride them." replied Fluttershy giving Spike bedroom eyes.

"Okay Twilight, bye!" rushed Spike closing the door.

"Riding a dragon? Well, that doesn't sound sexual at all." replied Twilight heading to the kitchen to find her stash of vodka.

(omake)

Rarity stomped home angry at what had happened. She would have vengeance! But first, she had a little sister to chew out for trying to take her dresses.

"Sweetie Belle!" yelled Rarity who stomped upstairs where she heard the sound of the bed creaking. She slammed the door opened and stopped as she saw Spike, Fluttershy, and Sweetie Belle tangled around the covers with whip cream, handcuffs, and a whip nearby.

"Umm, this is for a cutie mark?" replied Sweetie Belle with a sheepish grin.

Rarity's eyes rolled back into her head as she fell back and passed out.

All three of the occupants shrugged their shoulders as they resumed what they were doing.

Twilight was half drunk when her Twilight sense went off.

"Spike just got laid!" cried Twilight in happiness as she fell backward and let the alcohol do its thing.

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also, please refer to my profile regarding my stories.


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